It’s funny how I’ve never had a conversation as honest, as deep and as “me” as I had, and still do, with my diary- or journal- call it what you will. And it’s funny since that’s not really a conversation; a one-sided one at most. Any person who ever came as close to being a “confessional” or a sanctuary for my soul to rest in, played a brief and temporary role in the film of my life; the credits rolled in when they left, the honours were awarded, but my story went on, as it always will, and the only true companion has been my diary.
Yet I continued surprising myself, testing my capabilities and wondering what makes me, me.
I began to sense how, the more I grew up, the more the years passed – the more I learnt that not everyone possessed the understanding or the guts to dive into the deep ocean of my thoughts, to enter my mind- that foreign land that scared them so. Who knew what might pop up in those unchartered waters? Who knew what darkness lurked behind the rocks, waiting to lash upon them and choke their beliefs to death?
Yet those that did dare to swim within the unknown, emerged enlightened and free, knowing a little more of the true “me”; and in turn, showing me their true self… for in seeing me as I was in the ocean of thoughts, with something new at every bend, these people showed me the most vulnerable that they themselves could be, what sacred them, what they thought, what they felt… They dared to question. They were not afraid of breaking the rigid walls of belief. And so, they were able to take a little bit of me, and I, of them. Yet those that were still afraid to discover themselves, to get in tune with their higher selves, and let their guard down, misunderstood me, judged me and as a result didn’t remain long in my life.
Somewhere down the line I also found that we were cherished most by people, most similar to us…
We were all a little scared, a little chained by beliefs and systems and norms- but in the purest state, when we spoke the simple, unvarnished truth, we found our kindred spirits, our twin-flames, our soul mates, our friends, our lovers and our people.
Of course some were frightened by us… and mounted their high horses, so to speak, to ride off into the sunset painted by beliefs- whose beliefs?– who could tell…?
Yet to find out who we belong with, we have to take that risk, we have to be ourselves.
Have you ever wondered, dear reader, what makes us speak our truth and show ourselves as we are? What makes some connect to us so much more than the rest? What makes us so deeply loved by some that it makes them question how they had ever carried on without us? How do soul mates, friends of our very souls, meet? What does it mean to “know” another?
Even if someone were to read my diary word to word, and know me on a day to day basis, they wouldn’t know me in the entirety… I believe some part of a person’s soul is meant to remain hidden, inexplicable and untainted. That is what makes us, us. Our vibe, energy, mannerisms, beliefs, power, emotion, everything contains a little bit of this magic element.
I call it the colour of the soul.
Why does a person stand out in the crowd to you? Why does a certain writer move you in the way they do? Why does the mood of a certain piece of music, by a certain musician, make you feel like home? Why does a painting, by a certain painter, catch your eye every single time?
–their colour resonates with the colour of your soul.
The colour of the soul is secret, ancient, eternal, immortal, undiscovered and nameless.
People see different colours of us in the canvas of our being, yet one colour that we always carry and that reflects itself in every painting we ever paint in the art of life, is the colour that cannot be seen or felt in the colour palette.
That is why no one can ever truly know another soul fully, without a shadow of a doubt; and the people who we claim know us fully, are only the ones whose colours mesh so beautifully with our own, that without them, our artistry never lives up to its true potential, never reaches its zenith…
We know, but never fully; we love, but never wholly; for all true knowing; and all true loving, lie within.
© Isha Garg
Doodle by Isha Garg