Ishaisms, Reflections

For my proverbial “someone, somewhere”

On feelings, spirals and Frank Sinatra thoughts

It’s unfairly ironic that to experience the best the universe can offer one, is to be grateful for the chosen offer before receiving it. In other words, to pre-feel what it’ll feel like once you get to feel what you want to feel. Alright, I admit, epic fail at “in other words” (…”hold my haaaand“, sings Frank Sinatra in some studio inside my head. Anyway…)

I always write these sort of posts for the proverbial “someone, somewhere” who might need it. I know I did, at the point in my life when prayers were breathed out like a desperate gust that blew out the flame, extinguishing any hope immediately after its expression, as the little ”neeeh-ver gonna happen” voice inside my head took precedence over the one that dared to hope.

It was a spiral, and I was going down. I knew I had to do something about it, but the only thing I knew how to, was to desperately pray when all hell broke loose – and once again, ending up immediately thinking (therefore, feeling and consequently believing) that it was only a shout into the abyss.

Any article, any inspirational talk or piece of music on gratitude, only had the opposite effect. How could I feel grateful for being happy, when happiness is what I lacked, and what I so hopelessly sought to manifest? It was absurd! Even if I managed it for a few minutes I always ended up reverting to the old “nah” ideology, and gave up. Nothing, no spiritual or emotional talk, or belief, worked – because I didn’t believe it would – before giving it a chance to.

Mind games, Gratitude and Checkmate

It was almost as if my mind and heart had taken to their proverbial rivalry and would never play for the same team – me. Years of conditioning and listening to the naysayers (most of whom are among one’s closest circles, mind you), had driven a wedge between the two, and reconciliation seemed in God’s hands. So, instead, I decided to try and play a trick on both, and, for once, be “mindful” – manipulating both to play for the same team (thinking it’s only for about a moment at most) – and decided to be grateful in a more physical, rather than emotional kind of way, by doing what I can do – writing. The classic, simple, largely propagated and celebrated move.

I began working on a “Gratitude list“. It wasn’t anything fancy with colours or well thought out content, but I had to start with three reasons at least, I thought – including the silliest of things I was grateful for, (and see if it went any further). I was surprised, dear reader, by how many things ended up being on my list and how contentedly I slept that night – a rare and extraordinary feat in itself (something else, to be grateful for?). My trick move seemed to have been a checkmate, and no guesses for who the happy victor was!

Confessions of a former annoyee

I do not make these lists everyday, dear reader, nor do I feel happy all the time, but gratitude has been coming on to me so gradually that it has almost become a part of my nature now; so much so that even in the worst situations, I can see an overpoweringly bright silver lining, something that earlier annoyed the hell out me when people did it.

I know it’s not much, but for anyone who is really struggling right now, or even if you’re not, take a moment and indulge yourself in such a list, where you talk about the (non pandemic related) reasons – (no matter how silly), why, say, this year didn’t suck for YOU. You will be surprised by how many reasons you end up having and how the positive changes just begin to usher in, and your mindset begins shifting, along with your life. It’s all in one’s outlook – how easy, is it not? But unlearning to complicate things for ourselves is something we simply have to do, and though it seems like everyone would just LOVE to get rid of their baggage – when the opportunity does present itself, most people would want nothing more than to hold on. How’s that for ironic?

Take it from someone who has been (and still goes) through, the kind of depths of sorrow it seemed (/seems) impossible to emerge from, and a former “annoyee” (or anything you might call someone who gets annoyed) of all things “self help” related, I ASSURE you this feels cathartic in its process and, well…magical in the outcome. I would never have shared this if it didn’t.

Let me know how you fare!

x

Before I leave

For anyone who’d like to know what I wrote, it started like this

I am grateful for –

My book getting published this year,

My master’s degree,

Successfully baking a good cake!

(Like I said, no matter how silly)!

Love,

Isha

8 thoughts on “For my proverbial “someone, somewhere””

  1. Co-incidentally, my own personal era of gratitude reached its first peak after my trip to India, dear Ishu. In a crush of humanity I was not immune to the sense of happiness even amongst those with very little, so rich in spirit.
    Coming home I would note the sallow expressions of the spiritually poor, material rich around me. I would start my days with mental lists of what I was grateful for as I was arriving at work. My mood would elevate! And as you say, such thoughts before bed can enhance sleep.
    But such mental exercises are not naturally arising, one must be reminded to practice them and “flick the switch” on a ego’s sullen impatience or negativity. I’m grateful for the time this pandemic has afforded me, despite the immense darkness of horror and loss in 2020.
    Your words are a light capable of illuminating a very dark room. May it bring lessons to those in need, and scatter the plague of rats content to feast in the darkness.
    Or something like that ☺️🌷
    Gratitude for you, always there, always true! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This reminds me of those moments before you left, the last minute packing and beating the clock – when you still broke into a dance to “Hot Stuff” – always grateful for the little moments, living life like only you can, and though we laughed and danced then, I also remember how, looking back I admired your zest for life, your conversations on being grateful… You’re an epitome of what I’ve written about here. The “hot stuff” was one instance, I could go on and on about you, my dearest Diana. Your impact on my own experiences with gratitude is unparalleled! I’m MOST grateful for you! ❤️❤️😘😘

      Liked by 1 person

      1. When one authentic soul meets another it is indeed time to dance! My zest is ongoing, and let’s hope that our mutual gratitude is more contagious than err, some crazy virus that will one day hopefully be a distant memory. If you can write glorious uplifting posts like this in a world the way it is then you are a mighty conqueror of apathy and grey skies! I adore you, you are one in a __________ (insert world population) 🤩❤️❤️🥰

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Those are incredible milestones and deserve to be celebrated 🎈 Actually, baking a cake successfully sometimes is harder than earning your masters 😩 (I joke, I joke) But for real though, I failed a batch of cookies not long ago (I bought the wrong kind of instant pudding and poured the hot melted butter into the batter rather than let it cool down) and believe it or not, I couldn’t even sleep that night from frustration and disappointment. I was really craving those cookies.

    But I’ve been on this journey that I never wanted but that I needed where I learn to enjoy (like you said) the things I desire inside before even grasping that desire outwardly. It’s been incredibly difficult, but manifestation of blessings work this way. We attract what we are on the inside and when your inside is under construction, it’s too easy to lose hope. Sigh. With perseverance though, and a little bit of faith, it is entirely possible.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m sorry, but the cookie story really made me laugh! Truly, terribly sorry! 😂 I could just imagine you going to bed with a scowl – but I laud you for the attempt – I’ve never had the guts to even try because I can already see myself screwing it up! 😣 Also, I AGREE, baking a cake IS harder; masters, on the other hand, was a piece of cake 😜 (pun intended)!

      “When your inside is under construction, it’s too easy to lose hope” – I’ve never resonated with anything more. You’re blessed with such flair to express in the most poetic simplicity, what is on your wonderfully insightful, empathetic mind, that I am in awe of it!

      Liked by 1 person

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