Ishaisms, satire

Uncle ji

Have you ever heard the tale of Uncle ji?
Usually found guffawing at family parties,
or spotted in the park jogging unfailingly each morning –
did I say jog? (read- gawking at aunties).
He has a knack for passing unsolicited advice like gas,
any stinkin’ solution to your problems – only Uncle ji has!
These “problems” too, are projected by him, mind you!
Pronounced like a (moot) courtroom judgement upon you.

“You’re too thin/too this/too fat/too that”, “You must look good to get a husband“,
I’m not even kidding, Uncle ji really said that, but hey, don’t judge, ‘he’s only being your friend‘!
With Aunty ji by his (bed) side, replacing pillow talk with gossip,
what choice does he have but to save you from your well-forseen slip?
Nothing you do is ever right, unless it’s by the (Uncle ji) book,
I mean the medievial edition, (yeah, you know what I’m talkin’ about, you don’t seem so ‘shook’).

His family is paramount, his ways unquestionable, nay, I say, divine!
He wakes up each morning and (brace yourself) says to himself “I’m a lion“, (his words, not mine).
If you want to make anything of yourself, you’d better start walking in his shoes.
He’s the Emperor who really believes in the cover of his new clothes
the one great authority on what your life path is, what your job must be and your career,
don’t worry, he’s got the right contacts and only his contacts (and your gratitude) will get you there.
But, hey, don’t forget “you owe him” when you are successful and well to do,
you didn’t think his publicised offers were his “good deeds”, now did you, little fool?

So be wary, and on your guard from the guffawing one at the party, child,
don’t make eye contact, just slither slyly away, to avoid his entry into your life.
His opinions are crass, and trash, his mind closed and soul empty;
wisdom, compassion and grace cannot be bought by (cough*inherited*cough) money.
It’s always better to ignore away his attempts at encroaching;
better be b*tched about to others, than being trapped by them, #jussayin‘!
So, here’s hoping you’ll be better at preventing now than curing later, my friend,
and need no new age therapists anymore for old age conditionings to end.

He lives to roast and loves to boast, so will you all stand up and please,
let’s raise a toast to none other than, the unparalleled Uncle ji!

***

Based on a true story

***

Β© Ishaisms

22 thoughts on “Uncle ji”

  1. He’s the Emperor who really believes in the cover of his new clothes – loved this πŸ˜‚
    need no new age therapists anymore for old age conditionings to end – and this too πŸ˜„
    You portrayed uncle ji so perfectly – they so desperately need the validation and hope too that none get trapped in that high confidence πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha! I enjoyed reading your comment almost as much as writing this piece β€οΈπŸ˜‚ Thank you for that!
      While the preceding piece “Aunty ji” was based on a few aunties (not necessarily female), this was entirely based on one uncle! 🀭 I’ve finally learnt to let go of all the anguish (to WordPress!) 😜

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am enjoying the exchange of laughter here :))) The whole time I was reading this post I remembered your post on Auntyji and was amused to know at the end that this was non-fiction! I missed mentioning that earlier with how much fun I was having with your description of uncle ji. WordPress is such a savior that way! Sometimes I silently warn relatives – just be careful please, otherwise I will have to write about you – heeheeheeee

        Liked by 1 person

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